oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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