My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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