This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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