Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
