so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
