it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
