We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
