week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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