i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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