Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
