I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
