Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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