That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
