didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize