who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
