Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
