Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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