just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
