dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
