Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
