I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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