everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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