It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
