I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
