So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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