Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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