he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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