This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
