Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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