would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
