he shaved USA in his pubs
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
