She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize