You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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