Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
