she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
