i don't like sucking hair
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
