whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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