That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
