I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
