he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
