I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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