the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
