the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
