Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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