Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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