She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just gargled with NyQuil
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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