the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's the barista slut.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
