Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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