I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize