wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
