Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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