he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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