The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
