Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize