The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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