we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
