and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
