My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
