I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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