You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
