i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
