im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
