Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
