Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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