wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
