I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
