I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
