guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
