Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
