When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
